From the minute my daughter became ill, I felt it. You see, I’m like the watchman of my family. No one gets sick. Not on my watch. I’m a health coach. We eat organic food. We clean with vinegar. We use non-toxic products. We filter our water. We sanitize our air. We exercise. We meditate. We pray. We try our best to stay on top!
But PANS/ PANDAS is sneaky like that. It would soon lead her into a downward spiral so quickly it would make your head spin. I immediately started scanning her life. Was it because I got too sick on the prenatal vitamins so I didn’t take them and did I eat too many rice crispy treats when I was pregnant? Or maybe it was because I was so sick during childbirth and couldn’t even hold her for 5 hours after delivery…gosh she must have felt so abandoned.
After failed calls to multiple doctors who hardly knew what I was talking about, I was finally led to Vine Healthcare. And what a blessing this has been. From the first call, I knew they just “got it.” Veronica at the front desk was beyond compassionate and knowledgeable. She knew all about PANS/PANDAS, and made me feel like I finally had a place to turn. Getting my daughter there was no easy feat as she is homebound with debilitating symptoms. But we rented an RV and through a true act from God, we got her there.
Dr. Scott was just a breath of fresh air. Compassionate. Empathetic. Knowledgeable. He started the appointment by telling me, “This is not your fault. This is NOT your fault.” And all that scanning and analyzing, all of the missteps I thought I made, they went away. He is right. This isn’t anyone’s fault. It just happens. And if I am at fault for anything, it’s for being an amazing, creative, strong mother who will stop at nothing until my baby is better and back to her life!
We now have hope again. I have relief. I didn’t like driving that ship. It was scary in those unchartered waters and I felt so alone and isolated. I know it’s still going to be a bumpy ride, but now I’m out of the driver’s seat with a treatment plan, and our family is able to relax into the healing process. And all that guilt…it’s gone. We are on the road to recovery, with a captain at hand, and a mom who will stop at nothing to help her daughter heal…guilt free!